Self-esteem and confidence
self; esteem; self-esteem; confidence; happy; happiness; youth; young people; misery;
Contents
"She probably has low self-esteem," I bet you've heard someone say that before. But what does self-esteem actually mean?
Your self-esteem is how much you value yourself. Most people have days when they value themselves highly, feel confident and believe in themselves. And most people have other days when they have some doubts and are unsure of their worth.
Some people have low self-esteem most of the time, often due to being put down all the time, or thinking that they should be 'better' than they are. Constantly comparing themselves to others can give some people low self-esteem. Looking at others and thinking 'why can't I be like them?' is a sure-fire way to make yourself feel bad.
Positive self-talk
High self-esteem can help us feel good about ourselves and the world around us. Having high self-esteem can mean:
- You believe that you are an OK person - consciously or unconsciously.
- You feel relaxed inside and respect your own value.
- You have positive beliefs about yourself and what you can reach.
- You feel confident, and the future looks promising.
- You have a sense of trust in the things in your life.
- You believe the world is able to meet your needs and desires.
- You feel more energetic about things, you have ideas, and you act on them.
- You feel proud, satisfied and happy as you achieve the things you set out to do.
- You know you have the personal power to make things happen in your life.
- You think of creative ways to get around things that get in your way to success.
- You see and appreciate your successes.
This is positive "self-talk" (the chatter inside of our heads). You can invite high self-esteem into your life.
High self-esteem can bring other things along with it.
- feelings of calm and relaxation
- a desire to look after yourself
- a positive attitude and a sense of being full of life!
- being open and communicative (see our topic Assertiveness)
- independence and self-responsibility
- a will to be sociable and get along with others
- continuous personal growth.
High self-esteem can be a great helper in your life. It can also make others feel safe, at ease, valued and stimulated when they are around you. Did you know that some studies have shown that you can play sports better by practicing positive self-talk? Why not give it a shot?
Negative self-talk
You have a belief that you are not OK as a person.
- You feel tense empty and stressed inside.
- You see yourself as having little value, eg. "I am useless", "I am stupid", "I always fail".
- You have negative beliefs about yourself and what you can do, eg. "I will never be able to…" "I can't do…" "That will never work".
- You lose confidence and the future looks like nothing will change.
- You have little trust in the things in your life.
- You believe the world can't meet your personal needs and desires.
- You stop bothering to try to achieve things.
- You notice you are less happy and successful than other people.
- You see other people as more capable or powerful than you are. You let them do things for you or take advantage of you.
- You silently get annoyed, resentful or disappointed with those people.
- You see yourself as nasty or "ungrateful" for having those thoughts about others.
- You tell yourself off. You punish yourself for being so horrible.
- When you see yourself, you see only the results of being abused by others or yourself.
- You develop a stronger belief that you are not an OK person.
- You push away self-esteem and prepare for this cycle to happen again and again.
How negative self-talk happens
Some things you have experienced might have brought low self-esteem into your life!
- being constantly put-down or humiliated - this can happen at home, at work, at school, anywhere...
- having to take the blame for things that are not your fault.
- not having your emotional, social or physical needs met
- being abused in some way, eg. child abuse or relationship violence
- an experience of another kind of violence, eg. rape, harassment or discrimination
- having a "label" stuck to you by other people, eg. schizophrenic or disabled
- getting inconsistent messages about what is expected of you - this can be a big one for people who grow up with parents who have a problem with alcohol
- strong messages from the media (TV, movies, advertising) or the community about what you are "expected" to be like, eg. expectations about body image, sexual identity or employment status.
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